I'm continuing to work through a list of paradoxes I have been collecting and observing. Right now my list is at 20. I am sharing these, not necessarily in any order but as I feel moved to write about them. Here is paradox # 14:
Usually when we possess a virtue we don’t feel like we have it and when we feel we have a virtue we don’t possess it.
Our feelings can betray reality. They can especially betray reality when it comes to assessing our actions. When we possess a virtue we usually do not feel like we have it. For example, courage or bravery is moving forward and taking action in the face of fear. So when we act with courage we actually feel scared or afraid. Even after an act of courage, we may not even recognize that we were brave but need other people to tell us.
In high school I felt a desire to become a writer and so I took seriously essays and other opportunities to write. In my junior year, there was an essay on a test. After completing the essay, I thought, “That stunk.” Time passed and when the teacher was giving back the essays, he said he wanted to read a couple of papers that were well answered. He began reading an essay and I thought to myself, “That’s pretty good.” I found myself admiring the writing. It wasn’t until he was well into the essay that I realized it was mine.
We often don’t know or recognize good things in our selves. Virtues come over time and so we need others to help us see growth in ourselves. Or we need it to sneak up on us like it did with my essay.
Socrates says in The Apology that when told he was the wisest man alive, he didn't believe it. Only over time did he discover he was the wisest man not because he knew so much but because he recognized he knew so little. Not even he could see virtue in himself until someone pointed it out to him.
On the flipside, when we feel we have a virtue, often we don’t. My three older sons feel real brave when they are playing super heroes in the house (I am fairly confident of their feelings because I know I felt brave playing super heroes as a kid). My sons may feel brave, but they are not. I am not putting down their play. I think it is incredibly important and healthy that they act out the part of heroes. However, they are not being brave. They aren’t pushing past fear to do what is right. They are fighting invisible bad guys, who don't offer much resistence.
In Mere Christianity, CS Lewis uses the example of humility to make this point. If you feel humble or notice you are being humble, you cease to be humble. Humility is not thinking too little about yourself, it is not thinking about yourself at all. I’d argue that is true of all virtues. You don’t think you have it when you have it. When you think you have it, you usually don't.
What are some other examples of possessing a virtue, but not realizing you have it?
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